my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
