Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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