How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Randomize
