listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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