apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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