We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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