Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The beer is more important than you right now.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
