He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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