Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize