wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
