Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
