omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
All the doctor said was why
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
