therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
