ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My liver just had a heart attack.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
