I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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