the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
