Soap is not a condiment
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
