I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Randomize
