Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
