why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
