Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
