cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
