My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
