okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
