I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize