these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
