All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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