dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
