I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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