I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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