There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize