People in love make me want to vomit
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
