Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
