woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
