I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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