Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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