Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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