I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
