You just made me feel so damn special
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
