He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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