my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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