Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Too much gin, very little bucket
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
