dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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