nut hugger
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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