dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
