My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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