i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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