im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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