That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
