it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
