Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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