So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
