you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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