she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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