The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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