he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
