im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
