I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
