I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
