he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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