It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
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