She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
