I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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