she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
