He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
