Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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