He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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