I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Help. Why am I so naked?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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