I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Randomize
