i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
P.S. I can't hear my feet
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The convent might be a nice break from real life
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
