Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
