dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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