"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
