WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The feeling are messing with the penis
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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