you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
