hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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