I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
