Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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