$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
