i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I could have mohawked her pubes.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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